Thank god, is what I said and how I felt when NYT accepted this essay.
I was grateful for the opportunity to get my message out — which is to fix yourself by joining an adult sports team. But I was most happy to have broken a three-year-long curse of not publishing anything in traditional media—once a source of pride (and income!).
This article originated as an old-school newsletter which I published two years ago. A few readers told me something along the lines of, “You should get paid and properly publish a few of these!”
Little did they know that my literary spine had been snapped in the winter of 2020, when I pitched out tons of (good!) ideas to newspapers/magazines and landed almost nothing. After months of follow-up emails, ignored messages, polite rejections, and getting my hopes up (only for them to be gruesomely dashed), my confidence was crushed and I decided to amputate this mangled arm of my career.
But we humans have the miraculous ability to forget our torment. During a caffeine hit in April, just as our softball team was starting spring training, I had the idea to reconfigure that newsletter into a proper Op-Ed (now called “guest essay”).
I won’t restate too much of what’s in the essay and newsletter (links are above), except to underline just how important sports have been for these past five years of my life. Sports give me…
A weekly something to look forward to.
Meaningful social interactions.
A place for me to transform from lullaby dad to ferocious wild man.
As a captain, scenarios to work out complex interpersonal issues using psychological skills (and even Machiavellian problem-solving tactics).
A reason to stay in good shape.
When playing and leading well, a reminder of my competence (much needed when other things in my life felt like they were going to shit).
And a multi-year goal to work towards (league domination).
I love the in-game stuff, but I most love the high-altitude GM stuff. When I was a teenager, I loved playing Madden (NFL football game) in “franchise mode,” in which you don’t necessarily “play” the game, but you stare for days on end at a screen of fictitious names and numbers, as you draft players, build your team’s roster, and then watch as your team develops over a 15-year (now 30-year!) span.
It’s the same with my adult rec league teams. I love the high-altitude stuff: recruiting, wooing hard-to-get players, massaging egos, statistical analysis, observing player improvement, building team culture, fostering team chemistry…. It’s a fun and engaging interpersonal puzzle to figure out, which is probably important for me to experience as a desk-bound writer.
If I have any advice for would-be amateur General Manager’s, it’d be:
Grow slow. Build a positive, friendly team culture that players will want to return to year after year. An over-competitive culture may provide quick returns, but it will rot your team from the inside out. (Our team does so much beyond softball: card nights, trivia nights, bday celebrations, gathering for American holidays…)
Take advantage of catastrophic events. After WWII, the German and Japanese economies boomed, partly because they got to reinvent and modernize from the wreckage of war. I now see that our team’s Covid collapse was a huge opportunity to reinvent.
Again, build slow. Sometimes, regrettably, a player retires or changes cities. Find a replacement with great care.
Balancing exclusivity (universal playing time) vs. prioritizing competitiveness (giving most experienced the most playing time) is the hardest balance for a captain to strike. I think the best way to do it is to show by example (benching oneself when the time calls) and to set team goals/expectations before the season begins.
Always proceed with great care and with empathy when dealing with players’ feelings.
As for the teams mentioned in the piece…
The Haar Hitters (softball) have improved every year for the past four years, though we have yet to beat the league’s perennial champions “The Souls” in a match.
2022 - 6-9 record
2023 - 8-7
2024 - 7-2 (so far)
The Edinburgh Ogres (ball hockey) have been up and down. The whole league seems to be suffering from a participation problem after the post-Covid sports participation boom. Several teams have folded and ours, too, suffered an exodus of good players two years ago. But we have a good pipeline of young players who join us from an amateur ice hockey team, the Edinburgh Capitals. The Ogres should contend for first place this year in the Scottish Conference.
Ken, I subscribe to the New York Times and read your article and it's beautiful and well put together. I assume you spent hours working on it. I think the main problem why Americans are not participating in sports is due to weak work-life balance. Cost is another factor. Over-scheduling your day is one too. I'm excited for you, Ken. I have all your books and love the way you write. By the way, you'll be a great psychotherapist and outdoors leader. Take care brother, Joseph in Maine USA.
Marianne spotted it in The NY Times this weekend so I read it! You can make anything sound interesting, even breathing and nasal strips! Love his. I can picture you there doing your thing!